I meant to type this a couple of weeks ago. In fact, I wasn't sure if it was even a good idea to type this here at all, but the blog is half mine, so...
It was the 4th of December. A day I'll always remember. 12-4-10 was the day that I was banned from the Toonzone Forums. Before you get up to walk away, let me assure you that this is not going to be a hate filled rant about TZ or what went down there with me, nor do I have any intention of airing any dirty laundry about the moderator who banned me, although it's a safe assumption that there's no love lost between us; I don't like him and he doesn't like me. Let's just leave it at that.
I just felt like looking back at the times that I spent as a member of the TZ forums. I would say that I wish that I had never discovered the TZ forums, but that would be a lie, since even after all the unpleasantness that went down over there, I don't regret discovering the TZ forums, nor do I regret joining. Obviously, I wish that things had gone differently and that I had been able to remain a member, as I do miss posting there and communicating with the online friends that I made while I was there. What annoys me just as much, if not more, than the fact that I was banned from TZ is the fact that it's now a year later and I still haven't found a suitable replacement. I'm not currently part of any online community unless one counts the Big Cartoon Forum, which I don't, since things have been pretty dull over at BCDB lately and I barely visit the site now, let alone post there. I thought about changing my user name at Big Cartoon Forums, but if things don't pick up over there, I won't be posting there, so there's no need to bother going through a name change.
Life should come with a "Do-over" button, or at the very least, everyone should have a remote control like the one that Adam Sandler possessed in the movie Click where we had the ability to go back and correct all of the stupid mistakes that we made. Most of the mistakes made there were courtesy of Yours Truly. Showing up angry and ranting on most of the posts there was definitely a mistake. The responses that I got and the reputation that I received where people would tell me (in some cases, quite literally) that I was the most hated member of the TZ forums were not pleasant for me either. There was a time when I tried to throw people's anger back at them and adapted the online persona of a heel wrestler. This was also a HUGE mistake, one that I regret making to this very day. I hate, hated, HATED being a villain. Others have embraced that, but it wasn't a good fit for me. One of my all time favorite quotes was one made by Coop on the Megas XLR episode "Bad Guy": "I may not be the best guy, but I sure ain't no bad guy!". For most of my life, I was the quiet nerd who sat at the back of the classroom not talking to anyone. I had no experience in being the jerk whom almost everyone hated, so when it happened at the TZ Forums, I was completely unprepared for the tsunami of negativity that I received. I didn't like being disliked, and to any current or former TZ Forum members who may be reading this whom I made to feel angry, hurt, sad or alienated, I apologize. I'm truly sorry if I've made anyone feel stupid or disrespected. I never meant to hurt anyone, and if I ever get the opportunity to start over with a clean slate anywhere on the 'net, it will be vastly different than it was at TZ. I genuinely mean this. Some people at TZ were nice, some not-so-nice, but in most cases, I did nothing to endear myself to anyone. as I said before, I'm not a villain, nor do I have any desire to be one. I just want to post about things that I like with people who share similar interests.
Toon Zone is a lost cause, and I'll probably never join another forum as big as Toon Zone. I'm not delusional, but if any appealing opportunity presents itself, and I take that opportunity, It will not be a repeat of what happened at TZ. I've since retired the user name Blackstar and all of the negativity that came to be associated with it and I will never identify myself online as Blackstar again.
I will shut up now, as I'm mostly rambling at this point. Thanks for reading and offering positive feedback. We don't post here all the time, and to the loyal readers, your patience is appreciated. Happy Holidays to everyone in Internet-Cyberville.
