Oh, Mickey, Where Art Thou?

Recently, I read a post on the Toon Zone forums about members requesting what shows they would like to see airing on Hasbro's fledgling cable/satellite channel The Hub (which debuted on 10-10-10 and as of this writing is 1 year and 4 months old). In this aforementioned thread, one member, a self-described "Classic television fan" requested that The Hub should air old-school Disney cartoons such Ducktales, Chip 'n' Dale's Rescue Rangers, TaleSpin and even the classic Disney shorts starring Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, Pluto and company with the reasoning that "Disney Channel isn't airing them anymore, so why not bring them to The Hub?".

I've read similar posts like this before with fans wanting Disney cartoons and Nicktoons to air on Boomerang and similar requests. Now, I think at this point that it's obvious that you're never, never, NEVER (and did I mention never?) going to see Disney cartoons on The Hub, and it should be equally obvious why this will never happen. Disney and Viacom are notoriously stingy when it comes to loaning out their properties; they don't play 'sharsies'. Exactly how would Disney benefit from loaning out shows featuring it's trademark characters to a competing network so the competitor can make money off of them? And how would Hasbro benefit from their channel becoming a vessel for the competition? A "Disney Too" channel, if you will? Answer: They wouldn't. Not in the least. Yeah, I know that The Hub has aired Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, which is a  Disney movie, and  I know that The Hub has aired Muppet movies, and the Muppets are also currently owned by Disney, but here's the thing: Cartoon Network has also aired less celebrated Disney movies such as Operation Dumbo Drop and Angels in the Outfield. Movies and TV shows that aren't directly associated with the Mouse House are OK, but anything with Mickey, Goofy, Minnie, Donald, Buzz, Woody, Belle, Ariel or any other characters that are synonymous with Disney, forget about it! That would be like promoting the competition. Disney would sooner sit on those cartoons than let one of it's rivals get rich off of them. Sure, from a fan's perspective, that would be great, but from a business perspective, that wouldn't be a smart move. At all. Mickey's head doubles as the studio's trademark. Disney loaning out it's trademark characters to The Hub would make as much sense as KFC letting Popeye's have it's secret recipe.

In response to others' statements regarding this, the Fan goes on to type:

I think Disney should let them go and air elsewhere as opposed to them just sitting around collecting dust and not getting any air exposure. From a viewer standpiont, I could care less where they air as long as they air SOMEWHERE. I want to see them.

Ignoring the fact that saying "I could care less" is incorrect. The expression is "I couldn't care less", as in "I couldn't possibly care any less than I do now". Saying "I could care less" implies that you could care more, It's the general attitude conveyed in the above statement that annoys me. In my time on message boards, I've read this rhetoric several times. This attitude from so-called "fans" that they're dissatisfied that their favorite shows aren't airing on their favorite channels anymore, but they're not so dissatisfied that they'd be willing to get up off of their duffs and actually do something about it. Yes, it is too bad that we can't see Disney theatrical shorts on the Disney Channel anymore. I agree with that, but it's not like Disney has completely washed it's collective hands of the "classics". There are DVDs currently available of the classic Disney shorts, as well as some of the Disney Afternoon shows. If you really want to see them again, buy the DVDs. Look for them on legal streaming sites such as iTunes or Amazon.com. Look for them on YouTube. That's a much more reasonable course of action than just sitting on the couch waiting for the networks to come around to your way of thinking.

I understand fans wanting to complain about their favorite shows not airing on "their" channels anymore, but what I don't understand are these "TV or nothing" fans or this bizarre sense of entitlement that many (not all of them, mind you, but some) seem to carry around with them like spoiled children, as if the networks owe them something. The networks don't owe you these shows any more than they owe you an explanation as to why they're not airing them anymore. Entertainment is a business, just like any other, and in order for a network to stay in business, it must keep moving forward. Networks don't program for individuals, and they can't endlessly loop their shows from 1 era for all eternity just because a small group of fans refuse to let go of the past. You're wanting to see the Disney shows isn't Hasbro's concern, and The Hub is no more obligated to provide you with old Disney cartoons than The Disney Channel is.

 Anyway, you're not at the mercy of TV. There are other resources out there. You just have to look for them. These people always seem to be the ones making the most noise about how dissatisfied they are, but at the same time, they don't want to do anything that requires any sort of effort on their part. If you're not willing to leave your "comfort zone" or compromise even a little to get what you want, then don't go around calling yourselves "fans", because a true fan would do whatever he or she needed to do in order to get their TV goodness, and if you're not willing to muster any of your cash to buy DVDs or get up out of your chair to search the internet, then you obviously don't want it bad enough, which makes you only a fair-weather fan, and as we know, close only counts in horseshoes.

Something Funny Isn't Going On Here

Recently, everybody's favorite guy of the moment, Stuart Snyder, Prez of Cartoon Network, took part in an interview about the current state of CN and the machinations that he's made with it over the past 4 years. This, in a nutshell, is what he said:

"c21 Media profiles and interviews Cartoon Network chief Stuart Snyder, giving the network topper the chance to describe and justify the network's moves over the last four years.

In the buzzword-heavy article, Snyder points to better demographic numbers for his network and credits a strategy of targeting specific nights toward specific audiences while also providing a balanced array of programming. "We look at our strategy as always being a comedy focus, boys-skewing but girls-inviting," he tells the magazine. The article notes that anime has a much diminished presence on Cartoon Network, and glances at the anger generated by "fanboys" at the presence of live-action programming on the schedule, but offers no direct explanation or justification for the changes beyond an implicit nod at the "diversification" strategy.

The article also describes some of the network's business moves, including its continuing association with Time Warner sibling Warner Bros. Animation. The channel is also developing a live-action Ben 10 feature film with Lethal Weapon/Die Hard/Matrix-producer Joel Silver."

Yeah.

It goes without saying that this so-called "interview" was little more that a softball piece of PR noise. Snyder didn't address any of the points that we would've wanted him to, like how action is getting the red-headed stepchild treatment by the network (the debut of DC Nation is less than a month away, and it's gotten just above zero promotion on the network, not to mention how DCN will be airing on Saturday mornings rather than an evening time slot), and of course Stu casually tap-danced around how his attempts to remake Cartoon Network into Nickelodeon Too with a fresh coat of live-action paint has resulted largely in failure. Someone more versed in action cartoon lore could address that issue better than I could, I want to specifically address the statement in bold.

Cartoon Network comedy-focused?? Girl Inviting?? Really? Is that really what he thinks his network is?

Anyone who knows me and/or regularly follows this blog already knows how I feel about the prospect of live-action on Cartoon Network, so I'll spare you the usual noise, suffice to say that in an ideal world, the number of live-action shows on a channel called CARTOON Network should be zero, except for host segments and wraparounds. Having said that, if Stu really wants CN to be comedy-focused, then why are so many of his live-action projects reality and sports-themed crap? What's funny about My Dad's A Pro, other than how somebody actually thought this dreck would be entertaining? If we really must have live-action on Cartoon Network, shouldn't it be comedic live-action? Even if Snyder wants to integrate live-action into Cartoon Network to make it more like Nick and Disney, he's going to have to do better than stuff like the Hall of Game Awards and My Dad's a Pro. This wannabe cool sports-themed stuff might fly if Fox ever decides to make an offshoot network of Fuel TV aimed at kids, but those shows just don't gel with CN's animation-heavy, comedy-focused format. Part of the reason as I see it why so many of Snyder's live-action show ideas have crapped out or were DOA was simply because they're just too much of a departure from what people expect to see on Toon. The best show of the lot so far has been Unnatural History (that's what people tell me,anyway; I never saw the show myself) and even that was too much of a deviation; an hour long action/drama with no animation, puppety oddballs or silly stuff just wasn't a good fit on a channel that alleges to be comedy focused.

Why doesn't Snyder put something like this on Cartoon Network?

For the uninformed, that was a clip for the upcoming Aquabats Super Show!, a live-action/animation hybrid series built around our favorite rock/ska superhero band, which will be premiering on The Hub in March. If Snyder thinks of CN as being comedy-focused, then didn't he make a bid for this show to air on Cartoon Network? The Aquabats Super Show! would've been a better fit for CN than Tower Prep or Bobb'e Says, and not just because TASS! has animated segments in it. It just fits the alleged bill so well: hip music, cartoons, wacky characters and all-around craziness. I already plan to watch TASS!, but if it were coming to CN, then maybe I'd have a tinge more faith in Snyder's master plan.

For that matter, I've been kicking around an idea which I think would be cool for CN to do, since it's obvious that Snyder's not going to be swayed away from his little scheme of getting live-action shows on Cartoon Network. I call my show idea Toons and Tunes. This show would either air on early weekend evenings or perhaps on Saturday mornings. (My thought is that there could be a 30-minute version of Toons and Tunes which would air on early Saturday or Sunday evenings and a 60-minute version on Saturday mornings.) The stars of the show would be a zany pair of youngsters who host a half-hour cartoon show from their shared bedroom. The duo also happen to be computer/tech wizards, so their room is chock full of crazy gadgets and wacky contraptions, including a hapless robot nanny who tries unsuccessfully to keep these 2 goofballs in line. The 2 kids would perform their own shtick while introducing 2 cartoon shorts and a music video each show. The cartoons would be from the Turner/WB vaults: a Looney Tunes short, an MGM short, a Tom & Jerry short, a Herculoids short, a Birdman (not Harvey!) short, a single Chowder short, a single Kids Next Door short, a single Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy short, etc., but since our kid stars are tech geniuses, they would add their own commentary and trivial facts about the cartoons via pop-up bubbles, which would appear on the screen during the shorts. After the 2 shorts (and some more shtick from our hosts), there would be a music video. Said video wouldn't be typical pop music stuff, but rather an unconventional video which is either animated, comedy-oriented or just plain weird. Kind of a Dr. Demento sort of thing. Some examples of the music videos which would be featured on the show:

• "Come On Feet" by Quasimoto
• "Fish Heads" by Barnes & Barnes
• "Elephants and Little Girls" by Loch Lomond
• "Atomic Dog" by George Clinton
• "Vanz Kant Danz" by John Fogerty
• "Life in the Slaw Lane" by Kip Odotta
• "Polka Changed My Life Today" by Rotondi
• "Killer Joe" by Manhattan Transfer
• Anything by Weird Al Yankovic, They Might Be Giants or The Aquabats

Now, is that the best idea for a Cartoon Network show? Perhaps, perhaps not. But it's definitely better than any live-action show idea that Snyder's come up with so far. At least my ideas are actually comedy focused and would be, you know, entertaining.

Looking Back, 12-4-10

I meant to type this a couple of weeks ago. In fact, I wasn't sure if it was even a good idea to type this here at all, but the blog is half mine, so...

It was the 4th of December. A day I'll always remember. 12-4-10 was the day that I was banned from the Toonzone Forums. Before you get up to walk away, let me assure you that this is not going to be a hate filled rant about TZ or what went down there with me, nor do I have any intention of airing any dirty laundry about the moderator who banned me, although it's a safe assumption that there's no love lost between us; I don't like him and he doesn't like me. Let's just leave it at that.

I just felt like looking back at the times that I spent as a member of the TZ forums. I would say that I wish that I had never discovered the TZ forums, but that would be a lie, since even after all the unpleasantness that went down over there, I don't regret discovering the TZ forums, nor do I regret joining. Obviously, I wish that things had gone differently and that I had been able to remain a member, as I do miss posting there and communicating with the online friends that I made while I was there. What annoys me just as much, if not more, than the fact that I was banned from TZ is the fact that it's now a year later and I still haven't found a suitable replacement. I'm not currently part of any online community unless one counts the Big Cartoon Forum, which I don't, since things have been pretty dull over at BCDB lately and I barely visit the site now, let alone post there. I thought about changing my user name at Big Cartoon Forums, but if things don't pick up over there, I won't be posting there, so there's no need to bother going through a name change.

 Life should come with a "Do-over" button, or at the very least, everyone should have a remote control like the one that Adam Sandler possessed in the movie Click where we had the ability to go back and correct all of the stupid mistakes that we made. Most of the mistakes made there were courtesy of Yours Truly. Showing up angry and ranting on most of the posts there was definitely a mistake. The responses that I got and the reputation that I received where people would tell me (in some cases, quite literally) that I was the most hated member of the TZ forums were not pleasant for me either. There was a time when I tried to throw people's anger back at them and adapted the online persona of a heel wrestler. This was also a HUGE mistake, one that I regret making to this very day. I hate, hated, HATED being a villain. Others have embraced that, but it wasn't a good fit for me. One of my all time favorite quotes was one  made by Coop on the Megas XLR episode "Bad Guy": "I may not be the best guy, but I sure ain't no bad guy!". For most of my life, I was the quiet nerd who sat at the back of the classroom not talking to anyone. I had no experience in being the jerk whom almost everyone hated, so when it happened at the TZ Forums, I was completely unprepared for the tsunami of negativity that I received. I didn't like being disliked, and to any current or former TZ Forum members who may be reading this whom I made to feel angry, hurt, sad or alienated, I apologize. I'm truly sorry if I've made anyone feel stupid or disrespected. I never meant to hurt anyone, and if I ever get the opportunity to start over with a clean slate anywhere on the 'net, it will be vastly different than it was at TZ. I genuinely mean this. Some people at TZ were nice, some not-so-nice, but in most cases, I did nothing to endear myself to anyone. as I said before, I'm not a villain, nor do I have any desire to be one. I just want to post about things that I like with people who share similar interests.

Toon Zone is a lost cause, and I'll probably never join another forum as big as Toon Zone. I'm not delusional, but if any appealing opportunity presents itself, and I take that opportunity, It will not be a repeat of what happened at TZ. I've since retired the user name Blackstar and all of the negativity that came to be associated with it and I will never identify myself online as Blackstar again.

I will shut up now, as I'm mostly rambling at this point. Thanks for reading and offering positive feedback. We don't post here all the time, and to the loyal readers, your patience is appreciated. Happy Holidays to everyone in Internet-Cyberville.

The Disney Toons Show (an idea)

This morning, I was lurking on the Toon Zone forums. Someone at the Disney Animation forum suggested that Disney studios produce an animated series which would be the Mouse House's equivalent to Warner Brothers' The Looney Tunes Show on Cartoon Network centering on Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse. After thinking about this suggestion this afternoon, I think that such an idea could work for Disney, if it were handled properly. This would help the Mouse House because a) The Disney Channel would have another successful animated series besides Phineas & Ferb, and b) this series could be aimed at a more general audience (kids, teens and adults alike) could prove that the Disney shorts characters (aka Mickey and the gang) have broader appeal and are capable of doing more than just entertaining preschoolers. Also, I like the idea of there being a single city/town/area in which nearly every Disney franchise would reside (with the obvious exception of the Pixar movies, of course). Not unlike Marvel's The Super Hero Squad Show. Basically, this series would take the Disney's House of Mouse concept a step further by showing what the Disney gang does when they're not performing at the club. I know that I'm in the minority here, but I actually like the idea of all the Looney Tunes characters residing in a single neighborhood. I'm calling this series idea Disney's Toontown. This is more of a broad outline than an actual idea, but nonetheless, here the skinny:

The series' main setting would be the Cartoon Suburbs, a suburban cul-de-sac in which the shows' principal characters, Mickey & Minnie would share a residence (as newlyweds, perhaps-Originally, I was going to have Mickey, Donald and Goofy as roommates, but I figured that fans would want to see Huey, Dewey & Louie and Max Goof on the show and I didn't want all of those characters living together under 1 roof, as that would make for 1 overpopulated house, so I instead went with this idea. Plus, having Minnie as a main character might attract more female viewers). Pluto would be the Mickster's loyal pet, no mystery there. M&M's neighbors would be other characters from the Disney barnyard shorts; Donald Duck and his 3 nephews would have a house. Goofy and his son Max would have a house. Horace Horsecollar, Clarabelle Cow and even Pete would be their neighbors.

Right beyond the Cartoon Suburbs would be the main metropolis. Let's call it Big City. Big City would be a cross between Duckburg (the setting of Ducktales) and St. Canard (Darkwing Duck). Characters such as Scrooge McDuck, Launchpad McQuack, Drake Mallard/Darkwing Duck and Bonkers D. Bobcat would reside here.

Beyond Big City would be several specialized lands for the other Disney characters: a Fairy Tale Land where the characters from the Disney fairy tales (such as the Disney Princesses) would reside. An undersea kingdom where the characters from Disney's The Little Mermaid would reside. A Jungle Land where characters from Disney's The Jungle Book and The Lion King would reside, etc. there would also be an area called the Toon Underground, a seedy underbelly located within the bowels of Big City where the Disney villains would hang out.

Now, I'm not saying that this is the best way to introduce the Disney characters to a new more modern audience, nor is this the only way to do so, but it is a way. All things considered, I'd say that this is pretty good for something that I just pulled out of my pants this afternoon. If Disney made a show like this, I'd watch it.

What's In a Name?

Hey, guys and gals. This is the artist formerly known as Blackstar here. Just thought I'd give everyone a quick heads up on some very minor news:

Starting today, I've changed my username from Blackstar to Goldstar, so if you read any posts here at Astral City with the name Goldstar attached, you'll know that it's me. This is a move which I had planned to make back on Toon Zone, had I stayed there. Why the change? Well, it's mainly that after some bad experiences that I've had with certain individuals at TZ, the username Blackstar has since become associated with unpleasantness and disdain, and I'd like to make a fresh start. I'm not that guy anymore, so I've decided to bury that username and all of the negativity that had become attached to it. Also, I just plain like the way that Goldstar sounds; The DC comics character Booster Gold was originally going to call himself 'Goldstar', but his high school nickname "Booster" stuck in everyone's mind.

Anyway, I'll be going by the name Goldstar from now on. Goldstar isn't someone else; it's still me, but with a different username. Thanks for reading.

And Another One Bites the Dust

This past week, I caught a glimpse of Boomerang's October schedule. Not surprisingly, as October is the month of Halloween, Boom's schedule this month is peppered with monster and spook-themed shows; among them are reruns of The Addams Family and The Munsters.

Now this struck me as curious. While The Addams Family has had 2 animated knockoffs over the years (one on NBC in 1973, and a later one on ABC in 1992--this was the one which was more or less inspired by the 90's live-action movies with Anjelica Huston and the late Raul Julia; it's also the only one that most people remember nowadays. I remember both series, which is just further testimony to how truly ancient I am), there has only ever been one attempt to bring The Munsters to animation: a TV movie titled The Mini-Munsters, which was initially broadcast on ABC on October 27, 1973. (I had never heard of it until 1 year when it was rebroadcast on the USA Network as a Halloween special, even though the actual story had nothing to do with Halloween. It had something to do with the family meeting 2 other relatives who were literally shipped in from Transylvania in a crate, and the 2 of them and an adolescent Eddie having wacky teenage adventures all over town, but I digress.) Was Boomerang really going to run a single 1-and-done TV special weekly throughout the month? But then a colleague cleared things up: Boom is going to run the Addams Family cartoon (the '92 version, of course; the '73 version hasn't seen the light of day in decades), but they won't be showing The Mini-Munsters; they're actually going to be showing the original live-action sitcom versions of both shows. Live-action sitcoms. On Boomerang.

Moment of silence as we play taps for Boomerang, folks.

Why am I now wearing a black band on my arm for Boomerang? Because this is the final nail in the coffin for this already stagnating channel. Boom had had more than its' share of problems for years now, mainly stemming from the simple fact that its' father, Turner Broadcasting, gives the channel the red-headed stepchild treatment, but the one compliment that I could always pay Boomerang is that it's always remained for the most part an-all animation channel (save for live-action/animation hybrids like The Banana Splits and the occasional cross-promotional stunt to appease their big brother Cartoon Network like running Hole in the Wall occasionally or playing Out of Jimmy's Head for a week). But that's over. Now that Boom will be running live-action shows for a month, the channel looms ever closer to hitting that giant iceberg on the horizon.

I know it's too, too easy to blame the boss, but the fault here lies with CN's current heads, Stuart Snyder and Rob Sorcher. It's become painfully obvious that Team Snycher doesn't have a fogging clue what to do with Boomerang, and their past history and success has been with hybrid networks like Nickelodeon, which ran both cartoons and live-action shows. They've never had to manage all-animation channels before signing on with CN, and they clearly don't know how to handle it. They've already began infesting Cartoon Network with live-action shows (thankfully, most of them have failed and they've since backed off of this considerably, but a few LA shows are still there) and now they're starting to do it here.

What really sticks in my craw about this is that many of the people I've spoken to are OK with this. They enjoyed The Munsters and The Addams Family as kids and feel that these shows will add some much needed variety to Boom. Do these people not see the utter hypocrisy in that statement? Saying "I'm OK with live-action shows airing on Boomerang as long as they're good live action shows" is like saying you'd be OK with Nick Jr. airing porno as long as it's quality porno. Good shows or not, it's still a deviation. Why was everybody so up in arms when Cartoon Network began embracing live-action shows and movies, but these same people are OK with Boomerang airing live-action? Would you also be OK with Comedy Central airing WW2 documentaries and bowling tournaments? Or ESPN airing country line-dancing programs? The last time I checked, Boomerang was "the home of classic cartoons", not "the home of every show that you liked from the 60's through the 80's". The only reason I can see why these shows aren't airing on TBS (which would be much better suited for them) is because Turner feels that they're too old for TBS and that kids wouldn't connect with them.

Boomerang has been running in a treadmill for years, and is badly in need of variety. Granted. No argument there. But embracing live-action is not the way to go, especially when Turner only airs about 1/5 of the cartoons that they have available to them in the Turner vault and in the Warner Brothers Animation library on Da Boom. There are several animated shows that Boom could be running to commemorate Halloween for October: why not air Dingbat and the Creeps on Boom? Why not unearth The Mini-Monsters for the month? Why not show Drak Pack in October? Heck, they could even show Rankin-Bass' Mad Monster Party and/or Mad, Mad, Mad Monsters, or contract WB to run Toonsylvania or Beetlejuice. Those tie in to the spooky them of Halloween, and more importantly, they are all ANIMATED. They could even run Casper's Scare School on Da Boom. No, it's not a great show or even a good show, but it is a spooky-themed toon that's animated. Turner is sitting on plenty of animated programs to infuse variety into their channel without having to embrace live-action. You want more variety on Boomerang, Snycher? Air more cartoons and a wider range of them.

Now that I've cooled off a bit, I'm willing to give Addams and Munsters a marginal pass on Boom since those shows are at least cartoonish in nature and Addams Family is based on a series of cartoons from the New Yorker magazine, provided that it's only for the month and Boom doesn't get into the habit of running live-action shows. But with Team Snycher at the helm, my delicate inner sense of pessimism tells me that this is the only the beginning, and it won't just be something that they do once as a goof and never again. It's only a matter of time before I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched turn up on Da Boom, and then I wouldn't be half-surprised to see Saved by the Bell or Pee-Wee's Playhouse pop up on the channel. Boomerang, mess though it was, was the last bastion that we animation lovers had, the only 24/7 animation station that up to now was still 24/7 animation. I hope that it's not destined to go the Nicktoons Network route and become progressively (and aggressively) toonless.

The Game Plan: Reconstructing the Cartoon Networks

On either of the 2 animation message boards that I'm currently on (The Big Cartoon Database and Toon Zone, respectively), it seems that invariably the subject of "Fill-in-the-blank network sucks now!" turns up, which leads to discussion about how to improve said network. And Cartoon Network is the channel most frequently placed on the chopping block. Seriously, just go to BCDB's Cartoon Network, Nick and Boomerang forum; all they do there is complain about how bad they think CN has gotten. (I personally think that the Nickelodeon and Disney Channels are in far worse shape than Cartoon Network is, but that's for another entry.) Having had to endure these nonstop debates for so long, I've come up with a way to improve Cartoon Network and it's knockoffs, Boomerang and [adult swim]. I'm not saying that my way is the best way or even the only way to go, but it's a way. It's what I would do anyway.

And no, by improving the network, I DON'T mean just bringing all of the 90's shows back and regressing CN back to the way it was 20 years ago. Just stepping back into the WABAC machine and regressing CN back its' 1990's form wouldn't be improving the channel at all. Sure, that would please the fanboys, but it wouldn't bring the channel the desired ratings and ultimately would do more harm than good, for the simple fact that nostalgia has a limited shelf-life. There are only so many times one can loop an old schedule of reruns before viewers start reaching for the remote because they've seen these shows 100 times already. TV is a business, and in order for a business to succeed, it must keep moving forward, not constantly be in a state of looking back. If you look back for too long, your neck starts to hurt.

Now, on to business.

For starters, I would give all 3 "networks" (I'm counting Adult Swim as a separate network here, even though I know that it's really just a programming block on Cartoon Network. We all know that AS is just a mask that CN wears at night in order to protect its' family-friendly image, but for ratings and demographics purposes, it's considered a separate network, so let's just call it that for the sake of this discussion) a unified branding. Cartoon Network, as the main default network and the one that started it all, will retain its' present name and logo, viz:

But the others would get new names and logos, all based on the above design, similar to those of Nick's current logos:

Under my regime, Adult Swim would be rechristened CNPM. Its' logo would be the familiar CN tile logo with 2 additional tiles next to it, white on blue, with letters P and M on them. Boomerang would likewise under go a name change, to CN2. Its' logo would again be the familiar CN tiles, but with a 3rd tile, colored white on red (dang, I wish I had Photoshop!) with a number 2 on it.

Now on to the channels themselves:

CARTOON NETWORK

Despite what haters and nostalgia buffs will tell you, Cartoon Network doesn't need a complete overhaul. The changes I propose making to CN are really only tweaks. There is, however, room for improvement in some areas. Let's break them down:

1. CN would go back to being a general animation lovers' channel. It wouldn't entirely lose its' kid-centric focus, but no more trying to compete head-on with Disney and Nick. CN would be marketing itself as the alternative to those networks rather than trying to follow in their footsteps. CN's revised schedule would be more reminiscent of early Teletoon. There would be several segments of programming devoted to certain content and it would show more mature fare as the day progressed, with a strong commitment to air diverse and international programming, as well as the ability to air a great majority of material uncut. Basically, it would be little kids' time in the mornings, big kids' time in the afternoons, general audience/family time in the evenings and adults' time at night.
2. There would be no more skewing the network primarily towards boys. CN's shows, while some of them are quite good, are starting to look a lot alike. Nearly all of them have predominantly (if not exclusively) male casts. That would end immediately under my rule. This "anti-girl" stance that CN is on right now is ridiculous, especially when you consider that the network's biggest commercial success to date is The Powerpuff Girls. The current boy-centric shows wouldn't have to leave, but there would definitely be some girl-centric shows (both action and comedy) added to CN's lineup.
3. There would be corporate synergy between CN's parents, Turner and Warner Bros. I don't know how to do it, but even if it meant locking suits from each company into 1 room and beating them all about the heads until they all agreed to play nice with each other, but it would happen under my fantasy regime. This would mean that shows like Legion of Super Heroes, Tom & Jerry Tales and Shaggy & Scooby-Doo Get A Clue! would start airing on CN, but this newfound synergy would be more noticeable on CN2/Boomerang (which I'll elaborate on later).
4. There would be a greater commitment to animation on the channel. The live-action shows like Dude, What Would Happen?, Destroy Build Destroy and Hole in the Wall have been putting butts in seats, so I wouldn't ax them, but they would be relegated to 1 night a week. Wednesday has been working as CNReal day, so i'd keep that, but the live-action would air on that night and only on that night. Also, the CNReal shows as well as the movies on The Flicks would have to adhere to a new rule: they can be game shows, comedies, action or what-have-you, as long as they in some way embody or are reminiscent of or at the very least are inspired by or based on, animation. The scripted shows and movies can feature animation, CGI or puppety oddballs and costume characters, but anything that doesn't won't be seen there. Movies like Shrek and Over the Hedge are acceptable, the Spider-Man, Batman and Transformers movies also pass since they're based on cartoons, The Mask, Ace Ventura and Angels in the Outfield also get a marginal pass since they either feature animation or are cartoonish in nature, but movies which have zilch to do with animation and contain no animation like Snow Day or School of Rock are out.
5. CNPM (formerly Adult Swim) would be pushed back to 11 PM and reduced to just 2 airings a week. Adult Swim is doing too well on CN to just dump it, but I think it's past the point where it needs to air every night. It's only 4 hours of programming and it doesn't have nearly enough programming to justify a 7 night a week airing. I've seen every episode of Metalocalypse several times. I've seen every episode of Robot Chicken several times. I've seen every episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force several times. And I've seen every episode of Family Guy so many times that I can recite the dialogue to each one backwards and forwards. CNPM would go back to only airing twice a week: with a premiere on Sunday nights and an encore on Thursday nights. What would air on those extra nights and hours, you say? Glad you asked. I would initiate an action cartoon block which would air from 10 PM to 11 PM; this block would consist of some Western action cartoons as well as some anime (yes, even non-toy based action anime) as well as action cartoons from other countries. (Keep in mind, the new CN has an international flavor.) There would also be an expanded Night of Action on Saturday nights from, say, 8 PM to say, 2 AM, similar to the late Saturday Video Entertainment System (SVES). On all other weeknights from 11 PM to 6 AM, I would offer old-school CN lovers a retro block of Boomerang, spotlighting Turner owned cartoons from the 40's through the early '00's. This would be for the benefit of those who don't receive the CN2 channel.

Now, onto Cartoon Network's sister channel.

CN2 (formerly Boomerang)

As with Cartoon Network, the changes I would make to CN2 wouldn't need to be that elaborate. Between Turner and Warner Bros.' collective vaults, there's enough programming to sustain a 24/7 channel, I think. No need to acquire a bunch of 3rd party shows, which would require money and CN2 would have to become a commercial network in order to pay for them. Here's what I'd do to CN2:

1. MAKE SOME NEW BUMPERS. Boomerang has been using the exact same smegging toy bumps since its' inception. They would be the first things to go. Something else, anything else, I don't care. Just no more toy bumpers, and update the brand motif every year or so, for crying out loud.
2. Bring back the Shorties and Groovies inserts between shows, and possibly make new inserts as well.
3. Air more shows from the Turner vaults, and air every episode of said shows. The shows with low episode counts would air weekly, not daily.
4. Add more latter-day defunct Cartoon Network shows to the lineup. Boom already airs some 90's to 00's CN shows like Dexter's Laboratory, Johnny Bravo, the Powerpuff Girls, Cow & Chicken, Courage the Cowardly Dog and Mike, Lu & Og, so why stop there? I'd add Sheep in the Big City, Time Squad, Whatever Happened to Robot Jones?, Codename: Kids Next Door, My Gym Partner's A Monkey and Camp Lazlo to the lineup, and there's no reason whatsoever why Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy, Megas XLR and Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends don't air on Boom now, so they'd definitely air on CN2.
5. Start airing more WB-owned shows. Since under my rule Turner and WB would play sharsies with one another, shows like Super Friends, Teen Titans, The Batman and Justice League/Unlimited would air on CN2, as well as Looney Tunes and several of the so-called Silver Age WB shows like Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, Freakazoid!, Taz-Mania, The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries, etc.
6. Add blocks such as The Tex Avery Show, The Chuck Jones Show, The Bob Clampett Show and Down with Droopy D to the lineup.
7. Initiate a late-night block to the channel (sort of a retro Adult Swim lite) which would include art-house shows like O Canada, Sunday Pants, early (pre-AS) episodes of Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, Popeye and Late Night Black and White.
8. Add compilation shows spotlighting trivia and info on our favorite cartoons and the folks behind them, like Toon Heads.
9. Re-initiate former CN blocks such as Toon-A-Palooza and 70's Super Explosion.

Again, I'm not saying that the above strategy is the best way (or even the only way) to improve these networks, but it's a way. It's certainly a better solution than just regressing them back to the way they were decades ago.